A liturgy of Surrender

Here I am, O Lord

Hands outstretched

Trying to keep them from clenching again

Grasping for control, for stability, in reaction to fear

Wouldn’t it just be easier to take the path most traveled?

The one that seems to fit with what others are doing and expect of me?

But then I remember - I rarely take the road most traveled

and typically find myself on the off beaten path

Braving a wilderness that most do not 

Following my own internal voice 

My own compass directed north 

But the scariest thing is actually pursuing my dream

surrendering my need for control and living open-handedly 

I can sit in this space of tension

And I can take deep breaths

And I can trust

And I can hold it all loosely

And I can practice emotional flexibility and resilience

And I can open my hands and surrender

This really will be the easier and truer route

Versus throwing myself against an unmoving wall of my own desire for control, informed by my fears

That which is not true to my inner voice 

So I will open my hands again and again

I will lift up my fears and my dreams

And I will keep walking this path I’m on 

Until I know I am supposed to veer off on another path, a deeper path

And I will continue to follow you into the great unknown

With the confidence that you are my safety net

My refuge

My safe space

My saving grace